Blogging Miss America

Introduction of the States:
Miss Georgia is apparently concerned about the width of her nose as the ‘slimming’ makeup is quite apparent. Maybe one of the other girls helped her with her makeup?
Did they write their state blurbs by themselves?
Miss Oregon did crack me up by telling me in her state it’s not permitted to harass Sasquatch. Gotta like a well-placed pop cultural reference.
I wish I had remembered to buy marshmallows so I can throw them at Miss Texas and Miss California.
Miss Utah: ‘Tonight, 53 women share a dream. Not a husband.’ Snark!
Miss Washington seems to think making a reference to the vampires in ‘Twilight’ will endear her to the judges.
The pageant has returned to ABC and is hosted by Chris Harrison and Brooke Burke. I find myself feeling very very glad Samantha Harris quit as the co-host of ‘Dancing with the Stars’ so that Burke could act as co-host tonight. It should be enough that the contestants might stumble over their responses; no one needs Harris doing it, too.
53, culled to 11. Semi-finalists: Oklahoma, Nebraska, Texas, Rhode Island, Utah, Washington, Arizona, Hawaii, Virginia, Arkansas, California. America’s semi-finalists are New York and Delaware who has alopecia and is wearing a wig. I think it’d be cool if she came out with a completely different color of hair later. The rest of the contestants also voted in the final two semi-finalists: Kentucky and Miss Sasquatch, er, Miss Oregon.
It’s 2011. Swimsuits. Seriously? Well, I guess it’s still an easier way to get money for school than strapping on thirty pounds of football gear and risking concussion week after week.
Ok, now it’s down to 12: Texas (marshmallow), Arkansas, Delaware No-Hair, Arizona, Hawaii, Washington, Kentucky, California (marshmallow), Oklahoma, Virginia, New York, and Nebraska.
Evening wear: Texas wears a champagne-colored beaded gown; Arkansas wears a basic black column gown with some kind of weird strap; Delaware No-Hair wears a white gown with multi-colored beads and a funky train; Arizona’s gown is the color of a beaded desert with a sheer lower skirt; Hawaii wears a white gown with a sunburst around the middle; Washington wears a gray silk gown with embroidered rosettes only to mid-thigh; Kentucky wears a champagne beaded one shoulder gown but wishes she was rocking a Lady Gaga get-up; California wears fire engine red with a weird one-shoulder strap; Oklahoma wears a navy Herve Leger-type banded gown with a tiered and ruffled lower skirt; Virginia wears a white beaded gown; New York wears an Art Deco style black velvet gown with a pave design at the waist; Nebraska wears a white one-shoulder gown with lots of beading at the top.
This show must have the shortest commercial breaks ever; we come back from break and two of the contestants are putting on and tying their toe shoes.
Only ten of the contestants will go on to perform in the talent competition.
Nebraska is playing a ‘Chopsticks Concerto’ on the piano. I am SO not making that up.
Washington sings ‘Papa Was a Rolling Stone.’ I am not making that up, either.
Arizona sings opera. It’s weird to see really skinny women sing opera. She’s at least as good as that Brit a couple years ago on Youtube.
California sings ‘I Who Have Nothing.’ Another white girl who thinks she has soul.
Oklahoma dances a ballet number en pointe. Girl has got muscles!
Hawaii sings Nina Simone’s ‘Feeling Good’ with ukulele accompaniment to start it off.
Delaware No-Hair dances a contemporary ballet to Michael Jackson’s ‘The Way You Make Me Feel.’ Oklahoma has her smoked on the dancing talent, but at least her hair stayed on.
Virginia is a ceilidh dancer and channels Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance.
Arkansas is a ventriloquist/singer. Again, I’m not making that up. And she yodels. OMG
Kentucky sings Sam Cooke’s ‘A Change is Gonna Come.’ Her grandparents wrote the song for Sam Cooke.

Again, there are very short breaks. Miss Kentucky comes out onto the stage putting her earring on and then hikes her strapless dress up.

Interview questions.
Miss Hawaii is asked if considers herself a Hawaiian, an American or a citizen of the world and repeats the word ‘world’ about seven times.
Miss Washington takes on a political question about civility in political discourse and endorses non-partisanship in a very civil manner.
Nebraska handles a Wikileaks question and endorses security first, right-to-know second. And was not assaulted by Julian Assange.
Oklahoma gets a question about privacy on the internet and endorses thinking before you act, but, curiously, not thinking before you post.
Arkansas is asked about whether or not Americans should be required to buy health insurance and does not answer the question. She’s got a future in politics!

Then the pageant had 43 former Miss America’s on the stage. Starting with Miss America 1943!

Fourth runner-up whose name I will forget tomorrow: Miss Oklahoma, Emoly West.
Third runner-up, another name I will forget tomorrow: Miss Washington, Jackie Brown.
Second runner-up, one more name I will forget tomorrow: Miss Hawaii, Jaelee Fuselier.
First runner-up who will have to do the work if the title winner can’t perform her official duties: Miss Arkansas, whose name I’ve already forgotten.

And Miss America is Miss Nebraska, Teresa Scanlan, who is the youngest contest at just 17 and the youngest Miss America ever. Or almost jail bait. I guess 'Chopsticks' really impressed the judges.